Yesterday, I cleaned up my flat and sat around for a while, a sudden calm after a hectic week.Very hectic. Once I realized that the train wasn't going to catch me, I trudged down to the station to catch it. Never before did it seem to linger so long until parting. Nearly at home, it dawned on me that I would have to figure out what to do next. Everything seems to have become complicated. Letting myself fall back into obliviousness seems just as despicable as the prospect of salvation seems out of sight. Eventually, however, a path will have to be chosen for hopes to be made. Though this path now seems dark, the idea of some impending happyness is what drives me onwards. Some impending arrangement, one with which I can live. Given what I have already seen and experienced, my heart fears that compromises will have to be made.
Or am I being too harsh with my assessment? Too quick with my judgement?
Occasionally, I debate wether a surrender of what I consider virtue would in itself breed better virtue or not. Perhaps, but I also feel that exactly what distinguishes us is that we have not yet surrendered our motivation to the least common denominator. And exactly in this lies a hope for the best possible case that could happen. Radiant it would be, to find out that actually, we had been in full accord all along. It had only been the others getting in the way. Suddenly saved, we would be.


The Golden Wish

The silver glow
that precedes
our death
I call it life
and feel it caress
these lonely days.

One silver glance
sent through the air
I drop my eyes
and call it a stare
her will so opaque.

The silver shadows
of passing clouds
I sense them sometimes
while watching the crowds
from distant place.

A sliver of hope
would see me revel
Bathed here in silver
I drowning rebel! for

No silver moments are ever enough
No silver moon can fill this deep rut
No silver days can ever be bright

I long for the golden

I long for the light.

- August 2004